So I have seen many interviews on what I like to call “The Love Swirl Dilemma” or Interracial Relationships. I think there is a constant conversation on how black women just hate black men who date women out of their race. “You are a sell out” “You couldn’t respect black women if you love a white woman” blah blah blah….
Soooo… I thought I would drop my opinion on why black women don’t like interracial dating for our men and to my black men I am going to touch on why I get it.
Let me start by saying say this. I have lived in predominately white communities and attended an HBCU. As an African American woman I have liked white men before but I prefer to raise my family with an African American husband. When your significant other never understands what you go through first hand as an African American, then it is VERY hard to have to explain that to not only your children but to your partner as well. You tend to feel very alone on racial matters in a place where you should really feel understood. I want to have/raise beautiful little black children who have strong influences of what a strong black family home can be.
If we as a community want to change the future our children are growing up in then we have to begin to mold the future for our children with a strong foundation. I believe that all African American women want that dream. When we see that black men are dying and going to jail (not to mention not all of these men are straight) the number of available black men who are doing well and going somewhere in their lives doesn’t even come close to the number of black women doing the same. So we are already fighting to just find and hold on to a partner because reality is many black women are not going to have a happily ever after with what we as a community call “a strong black man”. When you take these facts into consideration, the view of interracial relationships does hurt. We see men breaking their backs to be with women of other races and cultures and we as black women try to figure out why. You have men who aren’t taking care of their children and women maintaining single parent households. We want our men to appreciate us. As a people we have struggled and fought this far, how could we possibly take those next steps forward to do more to save our families if we don’t even have men to help us teach, protect and care for our families. Its not an impossible task because I came from a very involved two parent household. Sadly, I am a dying breed in my community.
Now Ladies, when you are creating you #MCM we typically find that picture of Michael Ealy and those eyes, or Michael B. Jordan and his simple smile. Even a random chizzled black model if you are really feeling frisky. Men who are your #WCW? Yes you have the men who post the occasional Vivica Fox or Beyoncé, but typically all I see is exotic looking women with curves. Why is that? Well my opinion is that its not that men don’t want women with black features. Men understand that black is beautiful (Yes women the men have seen it and heard it so many times they got that “your black is beautiful”), what they don’t understand is the fact that we as women have neglected to cater to our black men. Now wait let me finish first because I already know what you are thinking. We as black women have fallen into a very dangerous place. As a black woman you are queen and come from queens, yes. As black women you should be praised by your beauty because let me point out that these exotic girls men are posting get their features from you. We are all of these amazing things but what’s missing? Black women can not fully submit themselves to their significant other. Keep bearing with me ladies I’m getting to a point.
Lets break this down… What does it mean to submit? Webster defines submission as “yielding to the control of another”. Doesn’t sound to appealing, but let me tell you what the bible says (Because you know we as black people love to reference the bible). The Bible says that we should submit to our husbands in the same way we submit to our Lord. Now IDK about you but during this time of “Ni**as aint shit” and “H**s aint loyal” you are basically stating that your Lord and savior aint shit because you should be giving the man you chose to be in your life the same respect you give HIM. Now men, You are not off the hook because women who do fully submit this still leaves the possibility of you not doing right. This is a sign of trust and respect that should not be taken advantage of. As a man it is your job to honor , respect and take care of your household and your significant other.I believe that we as a people need to take a step back and realize that our greatest enemy right now in fighting for the black family is ourselves. If we can learn to respect each other and allow ourselves to submit to our significant other then we can learn how to truly raise them back up. Black men respect our fragile black women because they have done so much to raise a family and make change in their homes. You can find a loyal girl if you learn just to appreciate and respect her. Women if you want to be treated as a the queen you deserve to be then prove it and be the absolute best woman you can be to your significant other. Learn to bite your tongue sometimes and allow your man to be just that…your MAN.
Now, how does this rant relate to the subject at hand? Easy, while you [females] feed into this view on society, (Ni**as aint shit etc.) the women who are submitting are exotic and white women. They are doing everything that you as the supporter is supposed to be doing. So its no wonder that these men are chasing these types of women, not because of how they look but the promise to love and care for them the way that they need to be in order to be successful in this world.
Please note that I am not speaking on/for everyone in the black community. There are great black men out there willing to take care of the home and understand these challenges. I also know a lot of people will say “I know what racism is and what it entails”, and that could be true. However, if you have never lived through racism from the eyes of an African American, then you do not understand racism and color controversies that we face. No amount of research will ever allow you understand our thought process on the decisions we make from day to day because you don’t experience it from day to day. Racism is different for every ethnicity. Also, there is nothing wrong with love. Interracial love is a very beautiful thing, especially during a time when racism seems to be bearing its head more and more. However, as an African American woman, when you lose a significant other to a person of another race and culture you stop to wonder if he couldn’t relate to me and we face similar issues, am I not good enough as a black woman. Many of us believe that we just might be better off being strong on our owns. Trust me when I say that is a hard thing to wrap your mind around.
Let me know your thoughts. xoxo